NO NO NO, You Don’t Rule the Sparkles, Ayu Does.

The next illfated single by reknown jpop mistress and possible messiah, ayumi hamasaki, is set to hit stores on February 25th, 2009.  This will be one month before her 10th studio album, NEXT LEVEL on MARCH 25th, 2009.

Nice marketing strategy there, avex, this is SO going to work.

Yeah.

Anyway, the single, Rule/Sparkle, has leaked onto the net already.  Well, the a-sides have anyway.  And they’re the only new tracks on the single so I figure, why not review it now~

Where oh where do I begin.  The cover is a good place to start.  Let’s just say, that Ayu really tried to do something new here that would have worked a whole lot better WITHOUT THE STRETCHING.  It’s almost pointless fo her to show off her silver boots like that, they’re like, uber unnecessary.  And could her chest look any flatter :3?

Anyway, the single’s main a-side, Rule, is a driven rock song.  It opens on a hard guitar line and doesn’t let you go for a whole four minutes.  The chorus, while slightly lacking, is devious in it’s catchiness.  I mean, it’s seriously the catchiest point in the song.  I find myself humming it everytime I steal candies from small children and maim little old ladies~

The verses of Rule are heavily muffled and it works so well.  There’s actually an element of evolution snuck right in there with the development of the verses.  Only you know, if evolution decided “fuck you” and went hard rock.  It’s like evolution’s badass older brother.

Meeeeeeanwhile, the second a-side, Sparkle, has a whole bunch of other things going on.  Starting out with the sputtering of death and then evolving into a grungy club tune, Sparkle is highly entertaining.  It’s sheer darkness is amazing.  It’s also totally not a rock song, the first time Ayu hasn’t had a song without rock tinges since glitter in the summer of 2007.  Sparkle is electronic, popish, with a hint of guitar.  The song features provocative, but not unAyu lyrics, and is being heralded by fans as an instant classic.  Me, I dunno.  It’s a great song and all, but classic?  It’s not THAT good.  I do have to admit, the “NO NO NO” lines after the chorus is probably the most epic thing Ayu’s done in a long time.

So where do we stand?

Rule: Edgy, full of attitude and catchy as fuck.  A perfect 10/10.

Sparkle: Dark, grungy and with it’s electric charm, it wins itself a 9/10.

All in all, the a-sides of this single win.  This is truly one of Ayu’s solidest non-ballad/non-summersong singles since at least the I am… era.  If NEXT LEVEL wasn’t already announced, this single would be a sure hit, but with the album, who knows how it’ll do…

A Hymn for Tommorow’s One Longing Future

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

Ah~ I’m so very far behind, so I’ll be handling three singles in one post. Can you people keep up with me? You can’t? Well, start learning. NOW, MAGGOTS!

Alan Dawa Dolma. She’s Chinese, of Tibetan decent, who sings in Japanese. Ah, confusion~ But hey, her music is DIVINE, so who cares if she’s three different things at once? Anyway, her name is written “alan”, all lower case, as her stage name, so we shall refer to her as such from now on. Anyway, this ravishing little goddess descended from the heavens with a goal in her mind: peace for humanity. She made it her goal, through her music, to touch the hearts of people through her songs.

Because lord knows she ain’t doin’ it for the money, have you seen her sales? It’s truly horrible that such being with such kindness and good will could sell so awfully.

In November of 2007, alan burst out onto the Japanese music scene with her first single “明日への讃歌”. 明日への讃歌, in Romanji is “Ashita e no Sanka”, and it translates to something like “A Hymn for Tomorrow.”

明日への讃歌 is a sweeping ballad with a real traditional sound to it. We start right off the bat with alan’s vocals softly accentuating the delicate nature of the verse. The instruments really make me think “Asia.” I suppose that’s a bit sterotypical to say… but there’s no other way to say it, it’s very Asian, it’s very classical, but at the same time it’s very relevant, very now, and very easy to listen to. Suddenly, out of nowheres, the chorus kicks in. alan lets us have it, she shows us the dynamic range that voice of hers is capable of. I swear, this voice could probably move mountains. It’s amazing to hear such a powerful voice out of such a little body. alan looks pretty small and fragile, but what she appears to lack in strength she makes up for in voice. One thing that really makes this song stand out to me is the fact that the choruses are not looped again at the end of the song. Usually, that’s how all j-pop ends, however alan’s 明日への讃歌 ends with beautiful sweeps of her voice, once again illustrating her range. It’s the perfect thing to do for your debut, show off what you can do to get as many people interested as possible. It worked on me.

The b-side to 明日への讃歌 is a song called 桜モダン. 桜モダン, Sakura Modern in Romanji, translates to “Modern Cherry Blossoms.” 桜モダン has a flow about it, sort of like water. It’s especially noticeable in the pre-chorus section, where she changes pitch flawlessly. It really creates a floating on water effect, I like it~ Once more, 桜モダン gives a very traditional Asian feel about it, while at the same time being modern and relevant. It’s an incredibly complicated thing to pull off, but because alan is God, it was easy for her. 桜モダン isn’t as dynamic and range-revealing as 明日への讃歌, however, it’s every bit as enjoyable. I especially like how the string instrument plays the pre-chorus as she’s singing the verses, it’s a nice effect!

THE RATING:

明日への讃歌 is a wonderful demonstration of alan’s large talent and is the perfect way to debut. The title track shows off a mighty vocal power, and 桜モダン shows that alan can control that power. All told, I give 明日への讃歌 3 confused nationalities out of three, spectacular job alan! You’d better keep it up!

Hang onto your seats kids, this is going to be a long one. After 明日への讃歌, alan was relatively quiet. She was featured in a song by a group called “Rin’” in December, and then that was it. It was like she disappeared.

But not for too long, March brought about alan’s triumphant return with the maxi-single ひとつ. ひとつ has four distinctly different tracks within it. This is her lowest selling single to date, but it’s one of her best works. You people will be punished for not appreciating it, alan will call upon her thunder bolts and it shall rain for forty days and fou- wait, wrong story.

ひとつ, Hitotsu in Romanji, meaning “One”, is a soft ballad. It’s like a small, tender animal. One of my favorite parts of the song is the first part of the first verse, where alan is only accompanied by the piano. It’s so soft, and vulnerable. Another moment in the song along the same lines is when the chorus is repeated for the first time. Only after she sings it, softly and delicately, does the full instrumentation join her. One of my favorite lines out of this song (Creators Note: If my limited understanding of Japanese is correct) is “we’re no longer alone, we are one.” It’s just amazing. ひとつ tends to be low on peoples favorite alan songs scales, I don’t see why though. It’s the only time thus far in her career that she’s exposed such vulnerability with her voice, it takes real talent to be able to pull something like that off.

Following ひとつ, is alan’s first real upbeat song. 君想フ空 is uptempo, and upbeat, it’s got a really happy vibe. It incorporates a similar scheme of instruments as the track before it, but it uses them in a completely different way. It’s a little laid back, but at the same time it’s still pretty jumpy. The only complaint I have is the god damned back voices during the chorus. I mean, it’d be perfect if it wasn’t for them going “BABY FREEE BABY SHIIIIIINE” WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT THE BABY!? We’re here for alan.

After 君想フ空 comes the laid back ballad 東京未明. While it’s not as memorable as the title track ballad, it’s still pretty in it’s own ways. It’s generally soft and doesn’t really push alan’s vocals very hard. This song strays away from the instruments of the past two, and pulls in a center around the strings, which is pretty different from what alan has done up to this point on the single. It sort of gives it a new feel. I can’t lie, this song is a little boring when it comes down to it. The last two songs had a sort of umph, that this one falls short on. alan’s voice is pretty and all, and the song is pretty, but… that’s about all 東京未明 has going for it.

If 東京未明 lost any momentum for the single, then it is quickly picked up again by the closing track sign. This is alan’s first English titled song, and just like it’s title stands out from the rest of her songs, the song itself is a complete turn in a different direction. It’s a mix of synth and computer that sounds incredibly traditional. I read that alan is actually singing in Chinese or Tibetan in this song, which again makes it stand out against her Japanese discography.  It’s really strange how something so it’s so modern and synthesized, but at the same time it sounds truly classic and very traditional.  I really like it~

THE RATING:

You’re all cheering aren’t you~  Almost done reading this horribly long thing right?  Yeah, you’re totally all thinking it.  Except you on the right, you’re wondering how big alan’s boobs are.  Swine.

Anyway, my rating here is definately ten fake looking snow backgrounds out of ten, spectacular once again alan!  I just can’t bring myself to say anything bad about the girl. Mostly because I’m afraid Goddess alan will smite me.

This is the last time I EVER consolidate three singles into one review.  Oh god, is this what albums are going to be like!?  Jesus Christ WHYYYY!!!

Okay I’m done.

alan made another, much more triumphant (sales wise), return this July with the first of her Five Element based singles, 懐かしい未来 ～longing future～.  The current project she’s working on is releasing five singles each based off of the Tibetan བོན་, or the Japanese 五大 (however, these elements appear in several other cultures as well).  Anyway~  懐かしい未来 ～longing future～’s element is Earth.  It’s an interesting tidbit that the single that this single was tied in to a special program on the NHK entitled “SAVE THE FUTURE” and the PV reflects the theme of deforestation.

懐かしい未来 ～longing future～ is, again, another ballad.  But it’s a pretty upbeat and hopeful sounding song.  It’s not particularly memorable, but at the same time it’s definately not a bad song.  I specifically love it when alan breaks out into those high notes after the choruses, it’s probably one of the highlights of the song, along with the key change at the last loop of the chorus.  At least, I think it’s a key change.  It’s really a song that I could see bringing people together.

Following 懐かしい未来 ～longing future～ is alan’s second English titled song Seed of Green.  This song is like 懐かしい未来 ～longing future～’s twin, so it makes sense that they were placed on the same single.  Seed of Green opens on her lower register, one she hasn’t used very much as of yet.  I quite like the sound.  Her first real use of English also takes place in this song, unlike previous songs where she had English in the back-tracking.  In Seed of Green, alan uses the title.  Seed of Green, like the a-side, is a pretty song, but it’s also not that memorable.  That’s the one thing I’d hope alan works on, making really memorable songs like ひとつ and 明日への讃歌 again.  I believe Seed of Green, however, is the better of the two tracks.

THE RATING:

Ah~  懐かしい未来 ～longing future～ is a solid single that marks alan’s first real sales success.  While I don’t believe it to be as good as her previous two singles, this single is still quite good and should be listened too.  I rate this single eight saved trees out of ten, a solid effort, that’s a lot better than a typical singer’s, but there’s still room for improvement.

…Please don’t smite me, Mighty Goddess…

Waitin’ for a Mirrorcle~ …Wait, what?

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

Mirrorcle eh? Really? I mean, seriously she didn’t actually entitle a song with a word like “Mirrorcle” right? I mean it’s not even a word, who is she Dr. Seuss? It’s probably some joke. The real title is Mirror World, right? Of course~

Son of a bitch…

To celebrate her 10th Anniversary as the dictator of Japan in the music industry, Mighty Overlord Ayumi Hamasaki released the single “Mirrorcle World.” The word “Mirrorcle” will bug me forever. I mean, why make up a word? Mighty Overlord, you’re ONLY 29, you can’t be going senile and forgetting the word “Miracle” already can you?

Anyway, if you’re a j-music fan, and don’t know who Ayumi Hamasaki is, please do the world a favor and kill yourself. Ayumi Hamasaki debuted way back in 1998 and has been Queen of Japan ever since. She rules Japan with an iron fist and a diamond encrusted hearing aid. I’m pretty sure that she has more power than the people who own her record company. Hell, at one point Avex as a whole was this woman’s bitch. Then Koda Kumi and the Incident of Boobs came into the picture…

Cause come on, let’s face it, the Mighty Overlord has the chest of a twelve year old boy.  Come on, Overlord, you don’t have to put your arm there, it’s not like there’s anything to hide.

Anyway~ Mirrorcle World was released in four separate editions. A CD+DVD, a CD+DVD, a CD-only and a CD-only, otherwise known as “WE WANTS UR MONEYS!!!” Taking the whole 10th Anniversary theme and running with it, Overlord re-recorded two of her songs from 1998 (her second single YOU, and her fifth Depend on you), and one set of the CD+DVD, and CD-only had the re-recorded YOU and the other had the re-recorded Depend on you. The first press of the CD+DVD versions where printed in elongated cases, obviously phallic symbols as a message to her boyfriend to say “Ha! I got someone this big now, eat that Mr. Centimeter!”. Or, it could have a symbolic reference to her first singles casings. One or the other, I like my version of things better.

Tracklist:

1. Mirrorcle World

2. Life

3. Depend on you “10th Anniversary Version”

3. YOU “10th Anniversary Version”

And, you know the drill, instrumentals. Anyway, onto the song! Mirrorcle World is actually the extended version of the introduction to GUILTY, originally called “Mirror.” She should have kept it called “Mirror”, it’s a lot better title than Mirrorcle World. Dr. Seuss would be so happy with her. Seriously. Anyway, Mirrorlce World opens with the use of string instruments. This isn’t seen a lot, and I really would rather it stay that way. The strings are quite pretty and all that jazz, but, they don’t exactly go… They only add to the mess that Mirror was. And not in a good way. But, they’re eventually gone, thank the lord. And then we get into the real meat of Mirrorcle World.

The verses are quiet and kept very restrained and have a marching like tempo. Several sounds go into creating the complex instrumentals here, and Overlord keeps quiet and lets everything flow.

Until she EXPLODES in the chorus. It comes out of nowhere, an explosion of raw power and loud music, it’s a really interesting effect that I quite adore~ It’s also pretty catchy. I’ve heard a lot of negative feedback from fans on this one, but I don’t go along with the crowd. In fact, if the crowd usually hates a song, I usually love it.

Up next, is Life! The only new song on the single!

Life is a really… annoying song.  I dunno, there’s something fishy with her vocals in it.  Usually, the Overlord’s songs feel really personal, like she’s singing right to you, but this one…  Well, to be honest, this one sounds like they put a gun to her head and said “SING, BITCH!”  She doesn’t really seem into it, there’s a general lack of emotion.  On top of that, it’s a VERY forgettable song.  I listened to it for a little while, and then switched to another song, and couldn’t for the life of me remember what the hell it sounded like.  Being the only new song on the single, it should be something spectacular, something astonishing.  Well, it’s somethin’ alright, but it ain’t anything good.  It’s like something she just crapped out and threw onto the single.

Now, the anniversary tracks~!  Depend on you sort of suffers in the way Life did having a general feeling of emotionlessness.  I mean, it’s DEFINETLY a drastic change from what we heard on A Song for XX back in 1999.  On A Song for XX we had squeaky-forced-vocals Overlord, and here on Mirrorcle World 10 years later, we have I-Killed-My-Throat-Singing-So-High-Pitched-And-Now-I-Have-A-Deep-Voice Overlord.  One thing that really suffers is the instrumentation.  I dislike it, I almost wish they kept the original instrumentation.  The original Depend on you almost had a wintery feel to it, this one was re-designed and has a more springy feel, and I dislike it.

YOU, however, has progressed miles.  It’s like a breath of fresh air.  Now, I haven’t listened to the version on A BALLADS very much, so my only real comparison is the Original Mix.  Many many MANY fans say that YOU “Northern Breeze” from A BALLADS is the better mix.  I actually have to say, I’m really impressed with the 10th Anniversary Version.  I almost wish I purchased the YOU version of the single rather than the Depend on you version.  The instrumentation is much more of a throw back to the original YOU than Depend on you’s was to it’s original.  Also, Overlord definately has more emotion and emphasis in this anniversary track than she does in Depend on you, or Life for that matter.

All around, Mirrorcle World is a pretty damn good single.  If you can get past Life, it’d probably one of her better ones.  The title track is full of life and attitude, it in and of itself is worth the purchase.  I’d definately buy either the CD+DVD or the CD-only of the YOU version, that’s more worth the money.  Depend on you is a good song, and her anniversary version is alright, but the anniversary version of YOU wins this round.

THE RATING:

This is a new feature I’m trying out, feed back is appreciated, do you like this addition or not, I’d like to know~

Anyway, I rate Mirrorcle World… 6 Cover Flat Chests out of a possible 8.  Good job, Overlord!  The title track doesn’t disappoint, the anniversary mixes are a nice way to celebrate 10 years in the industry, and we’ll just forget Life ever existed, m’kay~?

DO ME MORE YOU FICTIONAL SEXY GIRL!

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

Ah, compilation albums. The pride and joy of any artist, a collection of your greatest hits. Or, in Japan, something released every few years compiling your singles between this one and the last one. Whichever works for you. One of my favorite things that artists should always do on compilation albums is release at least one new song so there’s some point in buying the stupid thing if you already have all their songs.

Namie Amuro adds two. Moving off the success of last years brilliant, and actually effective, come back PLAY, and the mighty single 60s70s80s, Namie decides it’s high time to release a compilation album. It’s probably the only effective way to follow up something as brilliant as 60s70s80s. Make people forget enough of the success to judge latter attempts at music, while keeping the success they’re bringing you alive. It’s a win win situation. It’s like… brilliant marketing to make people buy a bunch of songs they already have!

Now, as much as I like to joke and needlessly bash the artists I review, Namie is really someone I wouldn’t want to pick a fight with. I could totally take Lesbian-Hikaru and her army of Kuma-chans, but I would NOT want to mess with this bitch. She’d stare me down take me out with her robot-exploding dance steps. I’m not blind, I saw what happened to that robot who tried to steal her thunder in WHAT A FEELING. This girl’s got spunk, and hair she could probably use as a noose.

Anyway, I’m not going to bother reviewing all the old songs, though I will tell you to definately try them. Though Namie can sometimes sound like Amurobot Mk IV, her music is damn catchy and usually really dance friendly. Even her ballads…

No, what I’m here for today is the two new tracks. The album opener “Do Me More” and the closer, “Sexy Girl”. These are the main incentive to anyone who already has her albums to buy this BEST FICTION. Let’s pause here for a second. “BEST FICTION”? Who christened this album “BEST FICTION”? Did Namie have her son think up a title? I mean, from one angle it sounds pretty neat, but it’s like calling your best album fictional. But, I digress, the point of this blog is for me to needlessly insult songs, not for me to take into consideration titles. After all, it’s everything is fiction if you really look closely.

Anyway, Best Fiction came out yesterday July 30th, or today for you Americoneians. You can probably find it on every street corner being peddled for all it’s worth. Supposedly, it sold more than 100,000 copies on it’s first day alone. Ah, Amuro booms again. She’s gone down in flames and risen from the ashes so many times, she’s like a Japanese Cher. Anyway~

Do Me More is the first of the new tracks on Best Fiction. Oddly, it was the one leaked to net last. But whatever, I won’t complain. Anyway, have you ever watched cartoons? You know that sound sequence that’s usually played when a character is clonked on the head and goes into a dream sequence? Well, Do Me More opens on a similar note, only creepier and loaded with sex. Then we get a countdown and the real fun begins. Computer generated notes grace the song, as Amurobot boots up it’s sing.exe along with shutting down need for oxygen. Seriously, does she breath like at all in this song!? Her tone is generally emotionless, but that’s what she’s best at. Her voice isn’t pretty when she’s being emotional, Can You Celebrate? anyone? Ugh. The chorus is probably one of my favorite parts, because she actually employs changing her volume. Or someone was turning her volume dial while she was sing.exe was in effect. I love how all of a sudden out of nowheres after the first chorus we get epic music and then return to Do Me More. This whole song is like a drug trip dream sequence. The bridge, or what ever you’d call it, in the middle of the song before the last choruses is really my favorite part. It’s so… It’s so hot. It’s catchy, it’s one of the parts of the song where she really catches my attention. I still hold that Amurobot didn’t breath once through this whole song. It seemed to come out in one five minute breath.

The other new song on Best Fiction is Sexy Girl. Should really be titled “Sexy Guy” since the girl is singing about a “sexy sexy” guy. Basically, the song consists of “Hey baby let me see your sexy sexy” and then insert random part of the body or random Japanese words here. And then she tells him to “keep it.” Keep what? Keep the baby? Is he pregnant and wants an abortion. Keep his wang? Maybe he wants to become “Sexy Girl”? Oh if I only cared to listen to what else she was saying. But making things up is SO much more fun. This song is definately WHAT A FEELING reminiscent. The whole synth old but new feel to it, accompanied by Amurobot’s robot voice definately are a throw back to the most successful of the 60s70s80s song. I gotta say, despite basically being the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER OH MY FUCKING GOD OVER AND OVER, it’s still sort of catchy. However, this is the weaker of the two tracks. DEFINITELY.

All in all, based on these two tracks alone, I actually would say buy Best Fiction. Especially if you are new to Amurobot. Because along with these new songs, you get all her single a-sides since like 2003, I think it was 2003… Can’t be bothered to find out if I’m right or not. Just take my word for it. Do Me More is really a dance friendly song, and when you listen to it, sometimes you can help but sing along. While Sexy Girl doesn’t really take a mind to listen to, it’s still decently catchy and worth a listen too. Just for those two songs alone I’d suggest buy it, but there other amazing songs, like Put ‘Em Up, and White Light, along with the 3 A-sides to 60s70s80s, so this album is definitely worth it!

Flippen’ Those Lights ON/OFF

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

There is nothing more appealing than the harmony that twins can create. Twins have some sort of strange gift that make them harmonize beautifully when they sing.

Enter these guys. They call themselves “ON/OFF”. Who are they? They’re twins. I don’t know about you all, but the whole twin thing makes those homely faces HOT. I like the one nearer the OBI better. He’s cuter than his brother, I bet he’s the younger one.

Watch me be wrong.

Anyway, I don’t know much about them. They only debuted recently, last November with a single entitled “Eien no Setsuna” for some drama. This means that they’re personal lives are not yet ripped from their privacy by prying paparazzi and displayed across the interwebs for people everywhere to read. So I’ll make some crap up. That’s always fun.

These two live under no names. They’ve been alive for over five hundred years and, much like Gackt, they claim to be Vampires. Their father is death in human form, and their mother is a ditz who likes to walk into walls. They grew up in nature, as one with nature, like animals, until they were found by scientists in 1994 and they were returned to society and taught to behave like humans, like eat with silver wear, bathe, and wear clothing.

TRACKLIST:

1. Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi

2. Signal

3. Asayake

4. Sagashimono

The real reason I’m here now, the single is called “Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi,” or “I don’t care enough to translate this.” This catchy a-side was featured in the Vampire Knight anime as the opening song, opposite Larry and Kanon Wakeshima who played the ending, “still banging doll,” which was reviewed earlier. Futatsu is more upbeat than still doll, and it’s definately opening song material. It has this eerie instrument like an organ that makes really Gothic sounds that set us definately in a Vampire Knight mood. The chorus is probably the catchiest thing about the song. As I said before, twins harmonies are always excellent, and this is no exception. It’s almost as if it’s one voice it’s so amazing. While not the most “Vampire” song in the world, it’s still a really nice song, and it’s my favorite on the single.

Signal~ Something that doesn’t have a ridiculously long name! It’s a miracle! I was almost sure they loved long words so much. Signal is slightly more pop than Futatsu, this one’s really nice. The verses are what win me over on this song, I have to say they’re really quite nice. The chorus and pre-chorus are also really good, don’t get me wrong, but the verses sell me into this song. Harmony isn’t played on as much as it was in Futatsu here, you can definately hear the one with the deeper voice more than the one with the more tenor. He dominates the first half of this song like Fergie in a video with Koda Kumi. The chorus brings us back to the harmony. The song is actually relatively simple, and doesn’t require the boys to do much extra with their voices, but it’s still a nice song. Second favorite without a doubt. I’m waiting for a high note from the one I’m pretty sure got one too many boots to the balls.

Asayake is a ballad. It actually opens nicer than the other two songs on the single has, I really think the ticking of the clock went for nice affect. I totally don’t know the lyrics, but it sounds like a love song. Forbidden love between twins, how hot is that!? Oh my GOD I want it. Even on this ballad, vocally they’re playing it safe and not bothering to attempt notes out of the range they’ve established. Looks like we need more boots. It’s relaxing, but the instrumentals do more pushing than the boys to, which doesn’t work for me. Their attempt in the middle of the song, ie the forced sounding ad-lib, isn’t good enough to consider it pushing the song forward. And when the tenor has the chance to do something awesome, the music quiets and it’s nearly just him, he still plays it safe not attempting out the range he’s shown us. It’s a nice song, but it could be better.

Sagashimono is a really nice way to end a single. This one plays with the “call and answer” motif in the chorus, where one twin will sing a word, and his brother will repeat it a few seconds later, which has a really nice affect. And that lovely harmony comes back. I want fan-service, damn it. Get on top of each other like those boys from Ouran Host Club! THAT’S WHAT TWINS EXIST FOR!!!

Again, like Asayake, Sagashimono could be better, but it’s a pretty solid song, and a good way to end the single. I hear that this single made it to #13 on it’s first day, which is a huge leap from #59 for Eien no Setsuna, and a huge leap over Kanon and Larry’s spectacular twenty-something. I wish them all the luck in the world~ And for a video of them getting it on wouldn’t be too much to ask, would it?

[FIRST LISTEN]I choose you DIZZEON! Use VANILLA!

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

For those who know me best, sugar pop doesn’t suit my character, but I have a secret niche for it deep in my heart.

Leah Dizon, Dizzeon, an American or something not Japanese who successfully entered the Japanese music industry. This just goes to show you that American’s can totally take over the world. Her new single comes out on June 25th, and it’s title track is called “Vanilla” which leaked today as a PV and a Promo CD rip.

Now, I’m not touching the PV, I don’t do PVs. What I will look at is Vanilla.

Leah, some how or another, manages to pull off Japanese pretty damn good. I mean, she even gets the Engrish down! Upon my first listen, Vanilla surprised me. I didn’t like it first go through, it took me a few hours to get to the point where I’d try the promo CD rip, and now I finally am growing to love it. At least, unlike her appearance would make me believe, she puts a lot of energy into her singing. She sounds like she’s having fun.

That can make or break a song, the emotion. For example, Namie Amurobot Mk. IV puts out songs that, while are great songs, get boring because the words lack any real emotion except for dificult-to-hear parts of the back tracking, singers like Dizzeon actually sound like they’re having FUN. You know, when she should, like in Vanilla. At first, I didn’t like the phrases of English that graced us throughout the song, but as I listened, those became my favorite part. “Just groovin’ have a celebration!” It’s catchy.

Anyway, I expect good things out of this single, and out of Dizzeon!

—

Pokedex Entry:

#xxxx

Name: Dizzeon

Type: Singer

Description: Dizzeon is one of the many evolved forms of Eevee. When you fly an Eevee to Japan to become a singer, it will evolve into a Dizzeon. Dizzeon are blunt and slightly airheaded by nature, and their special attack “Dead Baby Jokes” is always an instant KO

Dizzeon cannot be found in the wild

Hi Miss Alice, I Wish You Were still A doll

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

Certainly looks like a doll. Fitting song I guess. Kanon Wakeshima is a cellist-singer hybrid created in a laboratory when ugly nerds decided to fuse classical instruments with the DNA of cute girls. The only one that came out human was Kanon. The rest came out as pianos that played themselves, dancing violins and drums that made moaning sounds similar to males before completion. These were promptly sold off to haunted houses, freak shows, and burned respectively.

Kanon was raised human by two normal parents who encouraged her love for the cello, Larry. Kanon met Larry when she was three, and it was love at first site. Larry managed to woo Kanon with his extra large bow, which proved pleasing and they were married in the spring. They live in a Gothic mansion hidden on a hill top with their maid, Ms. Alice, who they will occasionally threesome with.

Kanon was a truly haunting voice, and she was discovered by Mana, who will also occasionally threesome with Kanon and Larry, and foursome with Kanon, Larry and Ms. Alice. He decided that she needed to release music, so they went off to Tokyo after several sexual favors to Sony Japan CEOs, Kanon and Larry received a recording contract. Her first single, still doll, came out last week.

TRACKLIST

1. still doll

2. kuroi torikago

3. still doll-music box version-

As you can see, Kanon loves to please her man. still doll is a haunting Gothic piece which fits Kanon and Larry perfectly. The lyrics where written by Kanon herself, and she also played with Larry in the recording. still doll is soft and chilling, it takes you into a quiet world, of mystery and wonder. If mystery could have a sound, it’d be the sound of Kanon Wakeshima’s voice. The song is strange, there’s no clear climax, but you feel it come and you know it’s there. There’s just no point you can pinpoint as it. Sort of like sex with Larry.

There’s a simplicity in the instrumentations that I have to comment on. Everything is based around Larry, and the other small dings and twings of synth or bells or whatever they are compliment him wonderfully. He truly shows off his deep bass, but at the same time tenor sound. Cello’s are quite pretty instruments. Kanon’s voice also compliments him as well, it’s like they were built for each other.

Uh oh.

I bet it was Larry’s DNA that the geeks used to make Kanon. Uh oh incest, oh my god. OH MY GOD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Okay I’m good now.

The b-side to still doll is the electro-pop, also based on the cello, kuroi torikago, which means “black birdcage.” kuroi torikago works better with Kanon’s voice than still doll, this song has a sort of urgency about it, and that’s one of the things I love about it. The electronic beats only add to the pure darkness of the song, and Kanon’s upper register voice, and Larry’s upper register notes truly make the song sound more urgent. They probably play it in bed. Either way, this song is the better of the two. This is what Kanon has to do with her life, music like this. Larry and Kanon have a lot more hot urgent songs to write, and play.

Kanon also draws in her spare time. That’s a thingy she drew in the still doll booklet. It’s a real wonderful… thingy. I think it’s a person who got thrown up by a giant gorilla. With apple sauce.

still doll closes with the music box version of the title song. Now this is truly creepy. Music boxes playing creepy songs always makes it ten times creepier because it sounds like some devil child is going to be standing by the window and lightening will go off and it’ll say “Do you wanna play with me?” and then it’ll laugh manically and cut your head off. Well the music box version of still doll has that affect. It’s truly haunting, possibly the most haunting thing on this single.

She totally needs to do this for every single instead of stupid instrumental versions.

Anyway, we expect great things from Kanon and Larry. still doll charted 22 on it’s first day on the charts, which is pretty good for a debut single these days. We can only hope that her next one can beat it marvelously. I’m sure with Kanon and Larry slamming together, and Mana pounding her from behind, we’re in for great things from Kanon Wakeshima

Kissing your Sparkling Joyful Smile VIVIDly

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexy. About as sexy as John McCain in a speedo. It’s like someone was drinking quite a bit when they took these shots. The photographers, or BoA, both. I’m also gave them a batch of special brownies, but if you’re asked you didn’t know anything hah hah~ Just kidding of course. I heard she had a problem with the bottle, so that would explain it without any brownies.

Boa Kwon is a Korean and Japanese star. She’s famous all over Asia, and was really the first Korean to break into the Japanese music scene. No Cassiopeia, it was NOT Dongs Bangning Shin ki who broke in first. BoA loosened Japan up so they could jam it in. It’s all thanks to BoA that DBSK got off in Japan.

Sexual innuendos are fun.

Anyway, BoA was discovered by following her brother to an audition for SM Idol Entertainment. She got a record deal, and her brother got squat. Sort of like David Cook. I’m sure her brother is probably plotting his revenge as we speak, but he’ll probably never get to it. BoA will probably drive herself to suicide since she says she hates singing now.

Anyway, let’s take a look at that new single of hers. After all, musicians are simply wind up monkeys that make music for our entertainment, and they are to have no complaints about it. So it’s only natural that she keep releasing music no matter how depressed and eventually suicidal, or maybe homicidal, that one would be much more fun, she becomes.

TRACKLIST

1. Kissing you

2. Sparkling!

3. Joyful Smile

You should know the drill by now, I ain’t wasting the time listing the instrumentals. BoA, once again demonstrating she’s bipolar, returns to pop after claiming she’d moved on from it. Obviously the overlord Max Matsuura set her straight, and bitch-slapped her into more pop. Maybe that’s why she’s holding her forehead on the cover shots.

“BoA! YOU MUST DO POP, WHORE!”–Max, bitch slapping BoA’s forehead

“Owwie ;_;, okays ;_;”–BoA, cradling her bleeding forehead

So now let’s get on into it. The synthesized piano and other synthesized things start us off to the mellow mid-tempo-ed Kissing you. Kissing you is like… all the cute things in the world mashed into one large burning mass of attempting to make it all work and succeeding in some places, and failing horridly elsewhere. The chorus is reminiscent of a slower cosmic eyes from the OUTGROW album, but the slow tempo makes it sweet and cute. It’s like something jail-bait Hello!Project threw up. Kissing you is probably the weakest song on this single for this reason. It shows us what BoA SHOULDN’T do in pop, dear god something we never want to visit again. Trust me, this song was WAY TOO sweet, WAY TOO cute, in the end it ended up like taking a bowl of sugar and downing it like a shot of liquor, BAD.

THIS is the pop BoA needs to continue. Sparkling is easily the best song on this single, and one of BoA’s strange arrangements. It’s opening reminds me of Meri Kuri, the wonderful Christmas ballad from some album. But the tempo quickly picks up, and it starts to move. The infectious chorus with it’s bouts of English that are barely understandable in BoA’s adorable voice, absolutely wonderful touches. Once again, the instrumentals are heavily synth based, but BoA pulls this music off a little better than some other artists *cough*koda*cough*. “Every me, Every you” right from the get go of the chorus it’s a roller coaster ride that’s nothing but pure fun. I personally like upbeat songs like this from BoA a lot better than any other type of song she does, it just fits that voice she has. She has this distinct accent that’s sort of chipmunky but not quite that high. Very cute, very now, only she can pull something like this off.

Joyful Smile is as pop if not more than the two before it. Max must of have raped her into this single, and the CD-only cover is just as flattering as the CD+DVD. Hot, BoA, HOOOOOOOOOOOT. Synth plays a major role once again, I don’t think there’s a real instrument in this single, I really don’t. I think it’s all computer. But BoA makes it work with her alcoholism. It’s a toned down Sparkle, that’s really all Joyful Smile is, but it works a lot better as a mellow laid back song than Kissing you did. Other than that though, there’s nothing really special here. And she doesn’t sound doped up like she did Diamond Heart.

All in all, VIVID is avex’s way of saying “BoA needs help, but we don’t care.” It’s a lovely happy single from a depressed girl, what could be better~? All we need is for her to sing a song drunk and we’ll have it all!

New Banner~!

Hey all, I want to say that we have a rotation of new banners made by the wonderful Foxxy_Fuyumi over on AHS forum~ They feature a picture of me, your hostess, and several different cool things to look at~ I love them lots, they’re the shit!

I’m going to rotate them occasionally, I’ll give you what all 3 look like! I put them onto my photobucket since they’re too big to just post~

1. http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k142/Umi_no_Sakura/TSUKI1.jpg

2. http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k142/Umi_no_Sakura/TSUKI2.jpg

3. http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k142/Umi_no_Sakura/TSUKI3.jpg

Once again, a huge thank you to Foxxy_Fuyumi-san over at AHS~

*Moooooooooooooooooooooooooan* Prisoner of looooooooooooooove

Note From the Creator: This article is mere fun, and has absolutely no validity, I’m only joking around do not take anything you read too seriously.

————————————————————————————

Utada Hikaru is an extraordinary vocalist, composer, lyricist, college-drop-out, could-be-biologist, possible lesbian with the currently-cheap-PVs and smooth-as-silk-vocals. She currently sports a simple, boyish style that’d makes her look underage, which must be making shotacons VERY happy. However, a lady. And not a Will lady, an actual one. With small boobs.

Utada Hikaru was born across the sea in the country that nuked us America, land of the supposed free. She was born in New York. After she fed a mogwai after midnight, and created the worlds first gremlin (which the directors of the movie then used a time machine to go back and release a movie based off Hikaru’s experiment, true story), she was expelled from the country, and decided to go see what she could do to Japan. She decided to become the ruthless empress of Japanese music, and has since had a strangle hold on the Japanese music industry causing Japanese common folk to lose several billions of dollars, and adding them to her charity, the “Hikki’s Pocket Fund.” Which buys her things.

Hikaru is graciously called “Hikki” by her fans. The reason for this is because that’s the kind of mark they wish they could get from the music queen, but she’s too hot for that shit so she plays hard to get.

Anyway, unlike Koda Kumi, Hikaru’s voice is actually what won over Japan, despite her physical attractiveness to both men and women. That and her decision to use a style of music that wasn’t at all big in Japan at the time she debuted so it’d be easy to rape the industry for as much money as possible to pay to fix the buildings the gremlins in New York wrecked.

Anyway, this single is an album cut, which translates to “I want to milk my album for all it’s work, so I’ll release a single with nothing new and still make a million or two off it.”

TRACKLIST

1. Prisoner of Love

2. Prisoner of Love-Quiet Version-

Followed by instrumentals. This single is also ONLY available in CD+DVD format, so it costs more. Again, the whole making as much money as possible thing for possible world domination. Or to pay off the press to keep the lesbian thing a secret, either one works.

The title track is basically yanked right off her album (thus, being called an album cut) with no new instrumentals, vocals, nothing. It’s like buying the same song twice, and yet it still hit #2 on the daily’s for it’s first day, I can’t be bothered to check the weekly. Now, when I first heard this track on the Heart Station album I wanted to gag myself, have my body exported to Mexico, and let my organs be sold on the black market. But after a few listens, I gradually fell in absolute love with this song. Hikaru’s voice is right at home in the soothing mid-tempo ballad. The moaning was off-setting, but once she started in on the verses, it was a true R&B song, the style Hikaru pimps for all it’s worth excels in. You just want to sing along. And the strings and percussion beats work perfectly with the song to bring out more emotion in Hikaru’s voice. Everything blends harmoniously into one big love fest. It oozes a sensual, desperate, vulnerable lesbian wishing for the girl of her dreams to come finger her.

I sense a bashing from Hikki-fans in my future.

The second track is the “remix” of Prisoner of Love. Sort of misleading, “quiet” usually means “silence” which this song does not have. It IS however, soft. Soft like turning down the volume. Hikaru couldn’t even be bothered to provide new vocals for this version. This single is a total rip off, buy Heart Station instead, you get the lesbian love song AND twelve other amazingly lesbian tracks. Lesbian.

The instrumentation is what makes this song pretty. The strings and piano are all that accompany Hikaru in this version, along with her vocal backtracking. I personally think that it would have been more affective had they just had her main vocals, and removed her vocal back tracks and added the instrumentation. Or maybe make her get off her ass and sing it again, is that so much to ask? If I’m buying a twenty dollar single, I want SOMETHING amazing, not a remix that someone could make with a vocal track and a computer, GOD…

The Quiet Version also tones down the raw sensuality of the main track. The piano and strings make it sound too romantic and doll-like, it’s a real negative effect. All in all, the Quiet Version is worth a download, but not a buy in the eyes of the amazing dictator. So you people don’t buy it, I COMMAAAAAAAAAAND YOU!!!!!!

Seriously, help Heart Station on the charts(10 weeks in the top 10 is it? Or is it more now? …Why do I care if my numbers are right all of a sudden?). It’s a lot more worthwhile than this single of two tracks, one which hot and one, not so much.